How can I be a good spouse?

Dan & Andrea finished our Proverbs "Wisdom for Life" series on Sunday, looking at some of the proverbs relating to marriage (although many of them also relate to people who aren't married!). 

You can catch up on the talk here, and below the video is the handout they offered with some marriage-strengthening resources and top tips for combatting sexual temptation.  

If this talk raises issues for you - whether married or single, divorced or widowed - do get in touch with Dan & Andrea. 

Marriage-strengthening resources
 
The Marriage Course from HTB – www.themarriagecourse.org
Care for the Family - www.careforthefamily.org.uk/support-for-you/family-life/couple-support
Southampton Family Trust - www.sftrust.org.uk – offer couple support, online courses and in person courses
“Let’s stick together: the relationship book for new parents” by Harry Benson
“The meaning of marriage: facing the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God” by Tim & Kathy Keller
“The marriage book: how to build a lasting relationship” by Nicky & Sila Lee
“On marriage” by Tim & Kathy Keller
“The five love languages: how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate” by Gary Chapman
“What did you expect?: redeeming the realities of marriage” by Paul David Tripp


Avoiding adultery – some tips
 
Don’t go near her house!  Prov 5  Walk the long way round!  You may need to avoid them all together and take drastic action to do so.  It may hurt their feelings but your marriage is more important.
 
Don’t flirt – it stirs up a hornet’s nest of expectation.
 
Be self-aware – if you find someone attractive acknowledge it to yourself and to your spouse if it’s becoming an issue and guard yourself
If you are someone that others find attractive, be mindful of this and the effect you have on others, again, don’t flirt, dress appropriately. 
 
Hold back from gravitating towards them, don’t spend time alone with them.
 
Don’t dress with that person in mind.
 
Bring it to God, confess any sin, pray for wisdom and self-control.
 
Find your wholeness, your acceptance, your love and your security in God.  Lean into God.
 
Don’t justify your sin.
 
Think through the eventual consequences of adultery, not just the initial short lived pleasure.
 
Take every thought captive for Christ.
 
Work on your marriage.
 
Don’t question your choice of marriage partner, unless they’re abusive.
You may have a list of attributes that you wanted your ideal partner to have (this may also change with time).  The one you’re being tempted by completes the bits of the list that your spouse doesn’t.  Believe me, they’ll also have plenty failings that your spouse doesn’t, have you thought about that?!  They may be even worse, plus, are you going to trust them not to cheat on you?  They’ve already done it once.
 
Do not confide your feelings in the person you’re attracted to – it stokes the fire and creates further intimacy.
 
If you’re lonely search out appropriate relationships to meet that need.
 

Make yourself accountable to a trustworthy friend and your spouse if you can.